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IBS 70 - PSALM 51:8

Psalm 51:8
“Let me hear joy and gladness: let the bones you have crushed rejoice.”

For a couple of years, people have talked to me about getting broken by God. About what it means for God to crush me. They’ve shared their stories of God breaking them and it always impacted me. Especially because they were so joyful, bringing praise to God so easily. I craved to have that type of joy and to be able to praise God the way they did. But I never wanted to go through the process of being broken. It’s a painful process that I didn’t want to have to endure. I said I wanted God to change me, but I wasn’t completely willing to change and to let Him break me. I didn’t want to surrender, and it became hard for me to praise God. I realized that my relationship with Christ wasn’t what it needed to be, but I wasn’t willing to let God do His work in me. My spirit craved to be broken and to draw near to God, but my flesh refused and fought God so hard. 
Through the years, God put people in my life who spoke to me about their breaking process. About how joyful they are and glad they are that it happened. They shared about how much closer they are to Christ, and I envied that. The desire in my soul become stronger then my stubborn flesh, and I surrendered to Christ. I was ready for Him to break me. 
Everyday, I have to remind myself of that moment. I’m not someone that’s willing to let go easily and give up. I fight, and it has gotten me into trouble. Fighting God is so much more painful then giving everything completely up to Him. Being stubborn has made the process of getting broken harder. I’ll go back and forth, some days willing to let God mold me, some days wanting to mold myself. He’s shown me, though, that surrendering to Him, letting Him break me, not fighting Him is the best thing for me. It’s shown me that giving it all to God and letting Him lead, break, mold, etc. brings so much joy and freedom. 
These past six months God has broken me more then I’d imagine. But I’m so thankful for it. The relationship that’s grown between Him and myself has made the whole breaking process worth it. I’ve been able to see the growth and the change, and it’s beautiful. I will rejoice and praise God with joy and gladness because He has crushed my bones and made me new. 

The breaking process doesn’t stop here though. He will continue to break me and mold me into being the woman He created me to be. It won’t be very easy, but it will be very worth it. 

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